Blameshifting Becomes Us

My granddaughter and her friend were visiting today. While hiding from "Papa" on the stairs, she accidentally hit the switch on her uncle's stair chair lift, causing the chair to head up the stairs. Jumping up, I ran over to help.

"Did you hit the switch?" I asked. With her eyes huge, Raechel said, "She pushed me into it!" Not really caring about the incidentals, I told her, "It doesn't matter how it happened. Nobody is in trouble."

Yet, she persisted in trying to absolve herself of the offense.

"I said it doesn't matter how it happened, just that it did. I'm not mad and no one is in trouble." Again excuses flowed and she became more and more adamant that I should know all the details.

I finally told her, "You aren't in trouble because the chair moved but if you keep talking when I told you to stop, you will be in big trouble, little missy." And she began to cry.

I soothed her and tried to explain to this five-year-old about passing the buck and accepting responsibility for our own actions. She finally understood (I think!) and we went about our afternoon.

I was struck by the fact that even young children are especially adept at blameshifting. Is it something they learn or are they born with it? Why are they so reluctant to admit when they've done something wrong or, in the case of an accident, still just as reluctant? As I asked the questions, I knew immediately that God was trying to give me my own message and He wasn't going to let me off the hook.

How often do I rush to excuses and blameshifting when all He wants me to do is acknowledge my action to Him? The answer is "Too often." The reality is I think He will send me to time out or shove me aside, refusing to love me. It seems silly to think I can focus His attention on somebody else instead of me, maybe get them in trouble to save my own backside. But no, God always gathers me in His arms and gently explains the way He wants me to act. His goal is restoration -- mine is protecting myself by getting His focus on someone else. Various scenes began to roll through my mind.

"She started it by gossiping. Why am I in trouble for just repeating what I heard?"

"He's the one who had a bad day. He came home griping and complaining so why is it my fault that I'm short-tempered and cranky?"

"Of course I didn't get my Bible reading done today. Did you see the mess the kids left for me to clean up?"

And on and on, ad nauseum. It's always someone else's fault, isn't it? I must admit that sometimes, I think blameshifting becomes me. Like a blouse, I can put it on and convince myself that I look really good as long as I'm wearing it. It sure seems to fit me well. And, as long as I look good, does anything else matter?

I guess I must think God didn't see everything, that He turned His attention away, giving the culprit ample time to get ME in trouble. I forget that His focus is my heart, not who did what to whom. My mind is so busy with self-preservation (hmmmm, now that's interesting term!) and compiling my list of "reasons" (i.e., excuses) that I fail to be vulnerable before God. I am so busy running my mouth against accusations that never come that I don't hear what God is saying to me.

Today was just one more piece of evidence that I, too, refuse to shut my mouth and listen to what God wants to say.

It was also one more bit of proof that a good defense might seem like the best offense at the time but ultimately, when I strip away all the excuses, I am left with only me -- my actions, my thoughts, my heart. And I discovered I want to be willing to see only those things before God has to try to get my attention. That's the perfect time for me to be lovingly gathered in His arms, comforted, loved and restored -- running to Him immediately instead of being sent to "time out" to think about it.

Which brings to mind another incident that happened today (whew! lots of lessons!). Jason, the 15-month-old my daughter babysits, was having a bit of a pity party. When my daughter asked him if he needed a "time out", without a sound, he stood up and planted himself in the "time out" spot here at my house (yes, I have one here and all the kids know where it is!). She didn't send him there but, even at 15 months old, he knew he needed it. I could see his little face and his little pouty mouth and my heart and arms ached to pull him close, cuddle him and whisper in his ear, "You are so precious to me!".

You see, Jason needed that self-imposed "time out". When he felt like he was done, he got up and came over to my daughter with his arms stretched out. She picked him up and, within minutes, everything was fine. This darling little boy was smiling and laughing and playing again. Restored.

I, too, sometimes take my own self-imposed "time out". I, too, need time to think about what I'm doing wrong. I, too, sometimes require time to sift through my defensiveness and excuses so I can see what it is that God wants to change in order to get to the place where I can come to Jesus, stretch up my arms and be lifted into His.

Please don't misunderstand, He never sends me away from Himself to "think about it." He would much rather I agree with Him quickly and avoid the whole process of "time out". And, with these lessons fresh in my mind, I'm certain that agreeing with Him quickly is the best way to go!