A Little White Lie

It was for her benefit, not mine, that I told just a little white lie. She would be too hurt if I told her the truth. That has been my justification for lying -- to protect the feelings of others. A noble cause at first glance. My initial conclusion was that my dishonesty had its origin in the reaction of others. They controlled my ability to be honest. They set me up to lie. They put me in a no-win situation - tell a lie and fall into sin or tell the truth and damage a relationship.

Being a Christian, naturally my first stop was the Scriptures. And Rahab, the harlot. After all, she helped Joshua's spies and saved the lives of her family and herself (see Joshua 2:1-24 and Joshua 6:17-25). She is counted as one of the faithful in Hebrews and is used as an example in James. She is also in the lineage of Jesus. And she was used by God! She lied to protect these men. Wouldn't it, therefore, stand to reason that telling a lie to protect someone's feelings is acceptable? Ahhhhh!, sweet justification!

One problem. Not only had I been looking for justification, I had fallen into the trap of a "works"-based theology. As long as I appeared honest before men (and, for the most part, I figured I was more honest than a lot of others I could name!), it would be added to my heavenly account.

Okay, another problem. Other Scriptures are very clear that lying is an abomination to God, half-truths are dishonest, it is a device of the wicked and it will be uncovered by God. As painful as it was, I realized being honest with God was my first priority. Any hope of skirting around the other things God says about lying flew out the window.

A lie, by the very definition of the word, means to intentionally give the wrong impression or purposefully deceive. The truth, on the other hand, is defined by not only fact but sincerity and integrity.

Now, I'm not stupid. I am fully aware of the fact that if I try to lie to God, I am only deceiving myself and my fellowship with Him suffers. He knows where I try to hide all the dirty little secrets of my heart. Sometimes I pretend they really don't exist but any time I place myself before God, naked, they come out! I came to a place where I had to stand, vulnerable, before God and agree with Him as each black area was exposed.

Taking an honest appraisal of my heart from God is one thing but do I really want honesty from people? Sure, most of the time. But there are exceptions. Like when I ask my husband if I look fat in a particular dress. What if he is honest and says, "I don't think it's the dress, honey."? OUCH! The lesson I've learned from that one is not to ask questions I really don't want the answer to.

Still looking for a loophole, I asked myself, Can I be honest before God and dishonest before men? I mean, there are some situations where being honest might make someone angry with me or hurt their feelings. After all, what am I going to say to that precious sister with the most horrific new hairstyle ever when she asks me if I like it? What do I say to the woman with heathen children who asks, "How did they behave in Sunday School today?"

Those Scriptures about lying came back to me with tremendous clarity so I decided I couldn't let anyone or any situation prevent me from being completely honest. The only option was to ignore any fallout, i.e., the hurt feelings of others, and be honest. Brutally honest, if necessary. After all, if I am honest, there is no fault with me. Right?

Boy, was I mistaken! Since when is anything that is "brutal" okay? We are told to "speak the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). Did you catch that? We are to speak the truth! That does not mean we get to puke our opinions all over unsuspecting folks! There is such a thing as discretion. We are not compelled to throw self-restraint and compassion to the wind. My darling husband has learned, over many years and many tears, that it is not always his opinion I am asking for. "Do you like my new haircut?" I still ask. He tells me, "If you're happy with it, I am, too." Thank God for a man who looks beyond his own personal preferences to encourage me instead of ripping me to shreds.

I know what you're thinking. The Gospel of Jesus isn't always pleasant and is oftentimes "brutal" and is known to be as sharp as a two-edged sword. But it is the truth and it is a truth we cannot water down, attempt to make more palatable or ignore. But it can still be given with love. In fact, it shouldn't be given with anything less!

We are so arrogant. We think of our own opinions as Gospel truth. We think we can be "honest" (read hurtful!) to others without repercussions. We think what we have to say is so important, it must be said "come what may".

Do you want honesty? Get honest with God first. Be honest about yourself with others -- no pretense, no deception, no lying! Then, don't shy away from telling others the truth -- just make sure it is His truth and not your own!