I Can Do It Myself!

It was two weeks before the start of our Women's Bible Study. The new outline was ready and my brain was already racing ahead to the things we would cover in the coming sessions. The first week would be about Jesus' passion for us, how much He loved us and what it cost Him.

I had been working part-time but had gone to full-time several weeks before. I believed it was the right thing to do. I didn't bother to check with God since He had to be behind me getting the job in the first place, right? The extra money was going to come in handy and give me pocket money for my hobbies. As I sat at the computer typing, my vision blurred. The episode lasting only a few minutes and went away. I ignored it. When it happened again the next day with more frequency, my concern grew. Within 24 hours, my vision was constantly doubled. I was unsteady on my feet and nauseous from the double vision. When it didn't go away, I feared I might be having a stroke. So did the doctors. Having no health insurance, I was not happy when they admitted me to the hospital for tests. And I was definitely not happy when the tests revealed a diagnosis I never in my wildest dreams would have anticipated – multiple sclerosis.

When the doctor came in to break the news, I was alone. My husband was already at church, getting ready for the Wednesday night service. Less than five minutes before service started, I called him with the news. Very matter-of-factly, he told me we would deal with it and asked if further tests, which would cost more money, really be necessary? I assured him I would not agree to any frivolous testing. He prayed for me and hung up. After all, church was about to start.

Tears filled my eyes and spilled down my cheeks as I lay there alone. Doesn't he care? Can't he tell, after all these years, how scared I am? He's just worried about the bills! I didn't know until later that when he prayed for me during service, his voice cracked and his composure crumbled. We were heading into a crisis. Later on, he told me his response was one of trying to keep me calm, to be strong for me. Completely ignorant of this, I spent the evening afraid, angry and anxious.

Getting over the initial irrational thought that my husband couldn't care less, I turned to God. After all, isn't that what we're supposed to do as Christians? Why, God, are You letting this happen? Haven't I been through enough already? I can't work like this. Isn't it enough that my son can't walk and we have to take care of nearly all of his needs? Isn't it enough that I have aging parents to look after? Isn't it enough that I came to the desert to do Your work? Isn't it enough already??? From where I'm laying, I'm not sure You're being very fair about this. You could take it away. You could change the diagnosis. You could fix it!

Not long after my son's accident, I quoted to my mother the verse that God never gives us more than we can handle. She replied, “Well, maybe you should stop being so good at handling all this stuff and then it wouldn't happen!”

I thought about that as the nurse came into draw more blood. I'm not handling this at all and, God, You promised me … I let my thoughts trail off. I wish I could tell you I went immediately to prayer, seeking His face, turning to Him like I knew I should. But I didn't. I puddled up. Emotional exhaustion filled every bit of my heart. The only thought that made any sense was to simply do what I was supposed to.

I think this is the part that makes me the most sad. The answer to doing what I was supposed to do was to get the Bible study ready or postpone it if I couldn't do that and show up at church Sunday morning so the congregation could see my faith was still as strong as ever, that I would face this crisis just as I had all the ones that had gone before. I would do the things that were needed. I just ignored doing the one thing that was needful.

Another New Chapter in Our Lives

I woke up this morning coughing. It's been around for a few days but I really haven't been paying much attention to it. I have too many other things on my mind and in my life to concentrate on a little tickle in the back of my throat. Then it struck me. That cough, that nagging little bit of hacking going on, has been just like a Crisis of Faith (herein known as the COF). It was something I didn't notice when it first started. I simply swallowed a bit of COF syrup and threw myself into the activities of being a pastor's wife. The syrup placated the tickle and I was able to continue functioning at the same level I had been at before. But something was different. Without realizing it, I put a bandage over the symptoms and went my merry way, not giving the COF a second thought. As long as I could function, why should I bother about occasional evidence that something might be wrong? I was still going to church – well, most of the time. I was still doing Bible study – okay, sometimes the day before I was supposed to teach. I was still living a morally upright lifestyle – after all, I am the pastor's wife.

On the morning this COF outline was born, I was preparing to teach, yet again, through 1 and 2 Peter. It was all laid out. With several chapters already done, broken down from the Greek and put into context, I was reluctant to change anything at such a late date. But the niggling in my gut would not go away. Within 20 minutes, I had a new outline.

But it isn't verse by verse through a book in the Bible! What about my co-teacher who has already put in a lot of effort in Peter? What about the flyers I have arranged in my head and was getting ready to print? Yes, I argued with God. I pulled out every excuse in my arsenal not to go ahead with a different study. But He wouldn't leave me alone.

I didn't even realize it then that God was personalizing the new outline just for me. I initially assumed it was going to be about passion – our passion for Him and His for us. I was wrong. It is an outline on something I never considered I would have – a Crisis of Faith.

I grew up in church. I have been a Christian for over 20 years. I have been a pastor's wife for 10. We have had many crises in our lives, from marital to financial to health-related. If a crisis were going to occur in my faith, it would have been three years ago when our then 22-year-old son was in a car accident that left him brain-injured and paralyzed from the rib cage down; it would have happened when not just one but two of my grandchildren wound up in the Neonatal Intensive Care unit after birth; it would have happened when we were broke and didn't know how we would pay the bills; it would have happened when I wondered if my marriage would survive; it would have happened … There were so many times it could have happened at a tremendous crossroad in our lives but it didn't.

The point is, it happened. It didn't come into my life like a hurricane but rather as a small, soft zephyr. It didn't come into my life as a major trauma but rather as a gentle tickle in the back of my throat, something easily ignored or covered up with service and doing my duty. Though I didn't realize it then, it was something that, left untreated, could damage me beyond repair and maybe even cause me to willingly walk away from the best thing that has ever happened in my life. Jesus.

Father of Lights

Studying in James, I read again that every good gift and every perfect gift comes down from the Father of Lights. I love that. Our Daddy doesn't even know how to give a lump of coal to His kids! Like the rays of sunshine falling from heaven to the ground, He is ready to pour out His delight on us. But the best part of that little verse? "In whom there is no variableness or shadow of turning." He never changes.

Whenever I get ready to buy my makeup, I never remember exactly which shade I wear. And depending on the season, it might be a little darker or a little lighter. My attitude often takes a shade or two of a change - much to my chagrin! The circumstances of my life too frequently determine whether I will put on makeup for the daylight or for an evening out (if the light's dim, I can get away with a lot less!).

But God NEVER is anything other than Himself. He is not a God of whimsy. While He has a terrific sense of humor, He is never capricious or spiteful or bored. Aren't you thankful He never has a bad hair day? Aren't you glad He never changes? Aren't you amazed that, no matter what we do, HE is the same Yesterday, Today... and Forever!

I.O.U.'s

Going through a verse-by-verse study of Philemon (such a small book packed with so much stuff!), some friends and I were amazed that Paul would ask to have the runaway slave's debt charged to him. In this little letter, Paul sends his friend, Philemon, an I.O.U. I can't say for certain what the debt was. Onesimus owed Philemon something (whether money or not isn't clear) and the amount is never mentioned but Paul says he will pay. I don't know about you, but the thought of paying off what someone else owes goes completely against my nature -- unless it's for one of my kids.

But that's what Paul is doing. He says, "For love's sake, welcome your runaway slave back. He is now your brother. Don't worry about what he's done or what he owes you. I've got him covered."

And that's what Jesus does for us. He tells the Father, "For My sake, welcome your prodigal home. She is Your daughter. Don't charge her with the debt she owes. I've got her covered ... With My blood." What relief! What grace! What wonder!

Life Goes Too Fast!

My dad reminded me the other day that in just three and a half short years, he will turn 80. I can remember turning 10 and thinking that turning 13 would take forever! I can remember celebrating my third wedding anniversary and, in just three short years, we will celebrate our 30th. Maybe it's just a fact of life - the older you are, the faster time flies! I can't slow it down, I can't stop it. I don't think I would even if I could. While I'm anxious to get to heaven and be with Jesus, I don't want to squander my time here - but it goes so fast!

Today I determine, though I can't slow down time, I will slow myself down. I will make the effort to enjoy life and celebrate the lives of others.

There are some things that used to matter - back when time went slower than molasses. I find that the older I get and the faster time flies, the less important those things are.

I watch my grandchildren play and let them get away with things I would never have allowed their parents to do - it just isn't as critical to me now that time is going faster.

I am learning to choose my battles more carefully. I am learning to relax. I am learning to grab on to the beauty of each day. Most importantly, I am learning to let go. That's easier to do now that time flies!

Saw This and Had To Pass It On - It's a Great Deal

It's a Bloggy Contest! Win Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight!



Okay, ladies! It's time for another bloggy contest! I'm really excited about this one!

And I'm going to write the rest of this post sort of in the third person so it's easier for you to copy and paste it to your blog (as you'll see below). So if I start calling myself "Sheila", instead of "me", don't think I've gone loopy, okay?

Father's Day is coming up, and this year, why not get something that YOU read (or listen to), and HE reaps the rewards from?

If you want to stop your marriage from fizzling and start it sizzling, I've got the answer for you!

He says, "you’re never in the mood." She says, "That's all you ever think about!" It’s a conflict as old as time. We’re told "opposites attract", but given time and circumstance, what once lured you in, can quickly lure you out.

But you don't have to be stuck in this trap!

Sheila's book, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood, can help you solve this impasse! It's fun, real, and extremely practical.

I love this book, and I know it can help your marriage.

I know, because Sheila, the author, didn't always have a great marriage. She's not "talking down" to you. She wrote it as a research project to help herself. And her husband says he definitely liked the research!

So often we find intimacy difficult because men and women ARE different. Women wonder why men were created with the switch always turned on, and men wonder why women were created with so many different switches and no instruction manual.

Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight helps us bridge this gap by helping us to understand our husbands better, get more energy, heal past hurts, and increase romance & respect in our marriages! You'll also learn why understanding God's view of sexuality can actually make you more in the mood--even if that sounds strange!

Filled with practical advice, Honey I Don't Have a Headache Tonight tackles these issues:


* How change in the sexual relationship requires change elsewhere.
* Why sex for women is often a "head thing."
* How television is the biggest enemy to intimacy.
* Why forgiveness and letting go of the need to be right is so important.
* How self-image issues and past hurts can throw intimacy into a tailspin.
* The repercussions of everyday energy zappers.
* The threats to Godly sexuality.
* The roadblocks of respect.
* The cultural attacks on gender.

And more! And best of all, it's fun to read!
It's Sheila's Father's Day special this month, along with a 45-minute hilarious and practical talk Sheila's given on the subject.

But here's how you can win it! You have three choices:

1. Blog post. Just copy this post (or write your own), and enter it in your blog. Then go here, and fill out the form! Enter your email address and the URL of your post! Remember to include this bottom part in the post about how they can enter!

2. Share on Facebook. Just click the "Share This" button below to share on Facebook! It couldn't be easier! Then head on over here and fill out the contest entry, including your name on Facebook in the right spot.

3. Twitter Tweet. Or you can post on Twitter. Just tweet something like this:

Turn the heat in your marriage up! Win a free copy of Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight just by tweeting! http://bit.ly/MIDO3



Then head on over here and enter your email address and your Twitter ID!

It's that easy!

NOTE: Remember, to enter, you must fill out this form! It's really short (just your email and which way you entered), but I'll be drawing the winners from there!

Sheila will be drawing a winner one week from today, on next week's Wifey Wednesday at 8:30 a.m. EST June 10. So enter now to win!

FIRE!

You know, there are women who are great to have around when it comes to planning an event. They are the ones who motivate, encourage and come alongside others. They are a delight and a blessing. But then there are others, the ones who "take over".

Sometimes they appear to be rather humble, just wanting to help in any way they can, sitting themselves in the very back right in front of everybody! But ask them to bring something other than their prize meatloaf to a potluck and you will get a withering gaze, pursed lips and a choked "Fine" in response.

Sometimes they are "boardroom" obvious. Everybody snaps to attention the moment she sets her designer shoes in the meeting room (did I mention she is the epitome of the song, "I Am Woman"?). These "leaders" can bring an instant hush to the room with one simple over-the-glasses glare. Their ideas are always great, always laid out in advance and volunteering for the project is never voluntary. She has everyone's role laid out and a personal check-list for everyone to meet their (her) goals. She runs a tight ship and will not tolerate any excuses, absences or failures. The rest of the women meekly follow, seldom questioning anything she says. If someone does challenge this "leader", she comes across as catty. Those meek followers, however, will rake the bossy woman over the coals as soon as she is out of earshot!

Bossy women make my belly burn! My guts wrench and my teeth clench as I try to paste on a semi-genuine smile and nod. It's like fire. I am ...

F - frustrated as I watch others sit on the sidelines, not feeling part of the team.
I - irritated enough to call my friends to complain.
R - resentful because I feel like I'm sitting on the bench along with everyone else!
E - exasperated because there is no easy way to "fire" her!

I used to think the term "bossy woman" was an oxymoron. And then I met one - okay, several. Okay, okay! It's ME! But somebody has to be in charge, right? Right!

It's just not supposed to be me. I am not called to be a leader. I am a follower. Of Jesus. And wherever He leads, I will follow.