Father of Lights

Studying in James, I read again that every good gift and every perfect gift comes down from the Father of Lights. I love that. Our Daddy doesn't even know how to give a lump of coal to His kids! Like the rays of sunshine falling from heaven to the ground, He is ready to pour out His delight on us. But the best part of that little verse? "In whom there is no variableness or shadow of turning." He never changes.

Whenever I get ready to buy my makeup, I never remember exactly which shade I wear. And depending on the season, it might be a little darker or a little lighter. My attitude often takes a shade or two of a change - much to my chagrin! The circumstances of my life too frequently determine whether I will put on makeup for the daylight or for an evening out (if the light's dim, I can get away with a lot less!).

But God NEVER is anything other than Himself. He is not a God of whimsy. While He has a terrific sense of humor, He is never capricious or spiteful or bored. Aren't you thankful He never has a bad hair day? Aren't you glad He never changes? Aren't you amazed that, no matter what we do, HE is the same Yesterday, Today... and Forever!

I.O.U.'s

Going through a verse-by-verse study of Philemon (such a small book packed with so much stuff!), some friends and I were amazed that Paul would ask to have the runaway slave's debt charged to him. In this little letter, Paul sends his friend, Philemon, an I.O.U. I can't say for certain what the debt was. Onesimus owed Philemon something (whether money or not isn't clear) and the amount is never mentioned but Paul says he will pay. I don't know about you, but the thought of paying off what someone else owes goes completely against my nature -- unless it's for one of my kids.

But that's what Paul is doing. He says, "For love's sake, welcome your runaway slave back. He is now your brother. Don't worry about what he's done or what he owes you. I've got him covered."

And that's what Jesus does for us. He tells the Father, "For My sake, welcome your prodigal home. She is Your daughter. Don't charge her with the debt she owes. I've got her covered ... With My blood." What relief! What grace! What wonder!

Life Goes Too Fast!

My dad reminded me the other day that in just three and a half short years, he will turn 80. I can remember turning 10 and thinking that turning 13 would take forever! I can remember celebrating my third wedding anniversary and, in just three short years, we will celebrate our 30th. Maybe it's just a fact of life - the older you are, the faster time flies! I can't slow it down, I can't stop it. I don't think I would even if I could. While I'm anxious to get to heaven and be with Jesus, I don't want to squander my time here - but it goes so fast!

Today I determine, though I can't slow down time, I will slow myself down. I will make the effort to enjoy life and celebrate the lives of others.

There are some things that used to matter - back when time went slower than molasses. I find that the older I get and the faster time flies, the less important those things are.

I watch my grandchildren play and let them get away with things I would never have allowed their parents to do - it just isn't as critical to me now that time is going faster.

I am learning to choose my battles more carefully. I am learning to relax. I am learning to grab on to the beauty of each day. Most importantly, I am learning to let go. That's easier to do now that time flies!

Saw This and Had To Pass It On - It's a Great Deal

It's a Bloggy Contest! Win Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight!



Okay, ladies! It's time for another bloggy contest! I'm really excited about this one!

And I'm going to write the rest of this post sort of in the third person so it's easier for you to copy and paste it to your blog (as you'll see below). So if I start calling myself "Sheila", instead of "me", don't think I've gone loopy, okay?

Father's Day is coming up, and this year, why not get something that YOU read (or listen to), and HE reaps the rewards from?

If you want to stop your marriage from fizzling and start it sizzling, I've got the answer for you!

He says, "you’re never in the mood." She says, "That's all you ever think about!" It’s a conflict as old as time. We’re told "opposites attract", but given time and circumstance, what once lured you in, can quickly lure you out.

But you don't have to be stuck in this trap!

Sheila's book, Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight: Help for women who want to feel more in the mood, can help you solve this impasse! It's fun, real, and extremely practical.

I love this book, and I know it can help your marriage.

I know, because Sheila, the author, didn't always have a great marriage. She's not "talking down" to you. She wrote it as a research project to help herself. And her husband says he definitely liked the research!

So often we find intimacy difficult because men and women ARE different. Women wonder why men were created with the switch always turned on, and men wonder why women were created with so many different switches and no instruction manual.

Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight helps us bridge this gap by helping us to understand our husbands better, get more energy, heal past hurts, and increase romance & respect in our marriages! You'll also learn why understanding God's view of sexuality can actually make you more in the mood--even if that sounds strange!

Filled with practical advice, Honey I Don't Have a Headache Tonight tackles these issues:


* How change in the sexual relationship requires change elsewhere.
* Why sex for women is often a "head thing."
* How television is the biggest enemy to intimacy.
* Why forgiveness and letting go of the need to be right is so important.
* How self-image issues and past hurts can throw intimacy into a tailspin.
* The repercussions of everyday energy zappers.
* The threats to Godly sexuality.
* The roadblocks of respect.
* The cultural attacks on gender.

And more! And best of all, it's fun to read!
It's Sheila's Father's Day special this month, along with a 45-minute hilarious and practical talk Sheila's given on the subject.

But here's how you can win it! You have three choices:

1. Blog post. Just copy this post (or write your own), and enter it in your blog. Then go here, and fill out the form! Enter your email address and the URL of your post! Remember to include this bottom part in the post about how they can enter!

2. Share on Facebook. Just click the "Share This" button below to share on Facebook! It couldn't be easier! Then head on over here and fill out the contest entry, including your name on Facebook in the right spot.

3. Twitter Tweet. Or you can post on Twitter. Just tweet something like this:

Turn the heat in your marriage up! Win a free copy of Honey, I Don't Have a Headache Tonight just by tweeting! http://bit.ly/MIDO3



Then head on over here and enter your email address and your Twitter ID!

It's that easy!

NOTE: Remember, to enter, you must fill out this form! It's really short (just your email and which way you entered), but I'll be drawing the winners from there!

Sheila will be drawing a winner one week from today, on next week's Wifey Wednesday at 8:30 a.m. EST June 10. So enter now to win!

FIRE!

You know, there are women who are great to have around when it comes to planning an event. They are the ones who motivate, encourage and come alongside others. They are a delight and a blessing. But then there are others, the ones who "take over".

Sometimes they appear to be rather humble, just wanting to help in any way they can, sitting themselves in the very back right in front of everybody! But ask them to bring something other than their prize meatloaf to a potluck and you will get a withering gaze, pursed lips and a choked "Fine" in response.

Sometimes they are "boardroom" obvious. Everybody snaps to attention the moment she sets her designer shoes in the meeting room (did I mention she is the epitome of the song, "I Am Woman"?). These "leaders" can bring an instant hush to the room with one simple over-the-glasses glare. Their ideas are always great, always laid out in advance and volunteering for the project is never voluntary. She has everyone's role laid out and a personal check-list for everyone to meet their (her) goals. She runs a tight ship and will not tolerate any excuses, absences or failures. The rest of the women meekly follow, seldom questioning anything she says. If someone does challenge this "leader", she comes across as catty. Those meek followers, however, will rake the bossy woman over the coals as soon as she is out of earshot!

Bossy women make my belly burn! My guts wrench and my teeth clench as I try to paste on a semi-genuine smile and nod. It's like fire. I am ...

F - frustrated as I watch others sit on the sidelines, not feeling part of the team.
I - irritated enough to call my friends to complain.
R - resentful because I feel like I'm sitting on the bench along with everyone else!
E - exasperated because there is no easy way to "fire" her!

I used to think the term "bossy woman" was an oxymoron. And then I met one - okay, several. Okay, okay! It's ME! But somebody has to be in charge, right? Right!

It's just not supposed to be me. I am not called to be a leader. I am a follower. Of Jesus. And wherever He leads, I will follow.

Return To Rut-Walking!

I just returned home from spending two weeks caring for my parents in California. For the most part, I enjoyed my time away. The pressure of life and the routine, day-to-day rut I walk in had made me weary and I was desperate for a change of pace. My dad's surgery provided the perfect opportunity. I told myself it would be a good break for me. I was longing for the days when life seemed simpler and less was required of me. I was going back home - to a familiar place, surrounded by familiar people. For the first few days, I sat down and played in the mud of "if only's" and "remember when's". I even found a radio station that played 70's top 40 tunes (they call them oldies!). I was FREE and I wanted to "run amok" again!!! I thought a lot about the "good old days", reminiscing with friends about how easy life was back then. I didn't feel like the grown-up ME. I mean, I was ME but without the cares and responsibilities of my normal routine -- housework, bills, budgets, my husband, kids and grandkids. But that thinking only led me to nit-picking my present life to pieces, deeply regretting that things hadn't stayed the same, that I had "grown up". I didn't even recognize my own discontent.

Don't get me wrong. I missed my family something fierce but, honestly, it was nice to be away. I felt just like I did when I was in high school with a few MINOR exceptions:

1. I am not any younger -- 50 is still around the corner and I definitely do not have the energy of a teenager.

2. I can't stay up all night without paying dearly for it.

3. The needs of my family at home did not vanish while I was away. There were still bills to be paid, a house to be cleaned (just NOT my house!) and people to care for. My life was still going on in Nevada.

Interestingly, my devotions for several days in a row took me to Scripture that talked about not looking back but pressing forward; plowing a field without gazing behind (rows never turn out straight if you do that!); being content where I am and with what I have; Lot's wife -- enough said.

It was a good time of reflection for me. I began to see the time away as an opportunity to be refreshed, not in the things of my past, but refreshed in my relationship with Jesus and the family waiting for me at home. Being out of the rut of my everyday life gave me some much-needed perspective.

You see, God doesn't intend for us to live in the past. We are to continue to run the race, not looking back with longing at the things we have left behind. Not only can we NOT go back, we shouldn't. It isn't healthy for our relationship with God or our relationships with others. It only sows discontent and dissatisfaction.

My teenage years were spent in rebellion and sin. Those places so familiar were dens of iniquity for me. That girl from the 70's is no longer who I am. When I think about it clearly, not in the fog of my imaginative memory, I don't really want to go back.

I love my husband, my kids and grandbabies. I love where we live, the ministry we do. And I have fallen in love with rut-walking again. Yes, things here are routine and not much changes from day to day. But this is where God is growing me. This is where He is ministering to me. This is where He has decided is best for me and I'm okay with that! For now.

Blameshifting Becomes Us

My granddaughter and her friend were visiting today. While hiding from "Papa" on the stairs, she accidentally hit the switch on her uncle's stair chair lift, causing the chair to head up the stairs. Jumping up, I ran over to help.

"Did you hit the switch?" I asked. With her eyes huge, Raechel said, "She pushed me into it!" Not really caring about the incidentals, I told her, "It doesn't matter how it happened. Nobody is in trouble."

Yet, she persisted in trying to absolve herself of the offense.

"I said it doesn't matter how it happened, just that it did. I'm not mad and no one is in trouble." Again excuses flowed and she became more and more adamant that I should know all the details.

I finally told her, "You aren't in trouble because the chair moved but if you keep talking when I told you to stop, you will be in big trouble, little missy." And she began to cry.

I soothed her and tried to explain to this five-year-old about passing the buck and accepting responsibility for our own actions. She finally understood (I think!) and we went about our afternoon.

I was struck by the fact that even young children are especially adept at blameshifting. Is it something they learn or are they born with it? Why are they so reluctant to admit when they've done something wrong or, in the case of an accident, still just as reluctant? As I asked the questions, I knew immediately that God was trying to give me my own message and He wasn't going to let me off the hook.

How often do I rush to excuses and blameshifting when all He wants me to do is acknowledge my action to Him? The answer is "Too often." The reality is I think He will send me to time out or shove me aside, refusing to love me. It seems silly to think I can focus His attention on somebody else instead of me, maybe get them in trouble to save my own backside. But no, God always gathers me in His arms and gently explains the way He wants me to act. His goal is restoration -- mine is protecting myself by getting His focus on someone else. Various scenes began to roll through my mind.

"She started it by gossiping. Why am I in trouble for just repeating what I heard?"

"He's the one who had a bad day. He came home griping and complaining so why is it my fault that I'm short-tempered and cranky?"

"Of course I didn't get my Bible reading done today. Did you see the mess the kids left for me to clean up?"

And on and on, ad nauseum. It's always someone else's fault, isn't it? I must admit that sometimes, I think blameshifting becomes me. Like a blouse, I can put it on and convince myself that I look really good as long as I'm wearing it. It sure seems to fit me well. And, as long as I look good, does anything else matter?

I guess I must think God didn't see everything, that He turned His attention away, giving the culprit ample time to get ME in trouble. I forget that His focus is my heart, not who did what to whom. My mind is so busy with self-preservation (hmmmm, now that's interesting term!) and compiling my list of "reasons" (i.e., excuses) that I fail to be vulnerable before God. I am so busy running my mouth against accusations that never come that I don't hear what God is saying to me.

Today was just one more piece of evidence that I, too, refuse to shut my mouth and listen to what God wants to say.

It was also one more bit of proof that a good defense might seem like the best offense at the time but ultimately, when I strip away all the excuses, I am left with only me -- my actions, my thoughts, my heart. And I discovered I want to be willing to see only those things before God has to try to get my attention. That's the perfect time for me to be lovingly gathered in His arms, comforted, loved and restored -- running to Him immediately instead of being sent to "time out" to think about it.

Which brings to mind another incident that happened today (whew! lots of lessons!). Jason, the 15-month-old my daughter babysits, was having a bit of a pity party. When my daughter asked him if he needed a "time out", without a sound, he stood up and planted himself in the "time out" spot here at my house (yes, I have one here and all the kids know where it is!). She didn't send him there but, even at 15 months old, he knew he needed it. I could see his little face and his little pouty mouth and my heart and arms ached to pull him close, cuddle him and whisper in his ear, "You are so precious to me!".

You see, Jason needed that self-imposed "time out". When he felt like he was done, he got up and came over to my daughter with his arms stretched out. She picked him up and, within minutes, everything was fine. This darling little boy was smiling and laughing and playing again. Restored.

I, too, sometimes take my own self-imposed "time out". I, too, need time to think about what I'm doing wrong. I, too, sometimes require time to sift through my defensiveness and excuses so I can see what it is that God wants to change in order to get to the place where I can come to Jesus, stretch up my arms and be lifted into His.

Please don't misunderstand, He never sends me away from Himself to "think about it." He would much rather I agree with Him quickly and avoid the whole process of "time out". And, with these lessons fresh in my mind, I'm certain that agreeing with Him quickly is the best way to go!

Get Out Of The Boat!

I've been looking at photos from Israel and thinking about the day we spent on the Sea of Galilee. Letting my mind wander, I see myself enjoying the fresh air and the splash of spray as I cruise around the Sea of Life, waving to friends. Life is good and I am free. The outboard engine hums as I travel effortlessly, bouncing across waves, traveling along with no particular destination. These are the times I am strong, ready to help others on the sea who are in need. I have my owner's manual and can walk them through the troubleshooting process, often enabling them to get their own vessel going again. Sometimes I have to pull them aboard my ship, giving them a ride to safety. I don't mind, really. After all, they've usually lost their oars and, without me, they would be marooned. Unfortunately, there are those who think my craft is better somehow and they don't want to disembark. Even when I remind them I am only able to carry them for a little bit, they hunker down and lash themselves in. And we begin to take on water. Soon, my focus is on the swamping of my boat and my strength fails. “Look, there's Jesus, walking on the water! Get out of my boat! Get out and go to Him!” I cry, now in need of rescue almost as much as they. It makes me want to shove them overboard.

And then there are days I simply slip into a quiet cove, cut the engine and am still, soaking up the sun and the sounds of nature. The gently slap of water against the hull is calming. The breeze gently falling across my face as my arm languishes over the side, tickling the chilly water with my fingertips. Jesus comes to me in those coves, whispering on the gentle wind, stirring a tiny zephyr, making His presence known. In the cove, I find refreshing, revitalizing rest.

And then there are days my motor will not start – no matter how much priming I do. I am often stranded in the middle of the sea. Frantically, I search for my oars, thinking I can get myself to safety. They are never in the boat when I need them. It's as though they simply disappear. Sometimes the sea is dead calm and fear creeps in. I am so alone, other boats so far in the distance, unaware of my predicament. There is nothing for me to do but pray. I am uncomfortable surrounded by nothing but blue. In the calm, I can hear His voice across the water, “Be still, I am coming.”

And then there are days, this is only the calm before the storm. A raging storm looms and is upon me even before I can batten down the hatches. I hear nothing but the howl of the wind the roar of thunder. I see nothing, sporadically blinded by lightning, as the rain beats down and the waves crash and break over my vessel, which has suddenly become so insignificant. My heart fails and I lose hope. But those are the days He comes walking on the water, just the same for me as for those I sent His way when my boat was capsizing. Those are the days His voice rises over the clamor and I hear Him say, “Get out of the boat and walk with Me.” I search the horizon for Him. There He is, visible even in the tumult. “Keep your eyes on Me.” Those are the days that, even in the midst of a trial, I can walk on the water with Him and hope is restored. There are only two things I must do – Keep my eyes on Him and get out of the boat! Why can't I remember that?

A Little White Lie

It was for her benefit, not mine, that I told just a little white lie. She would be too hurt if I told her the truth. That has been my justification for lying -- to protect the feelings of others. A noble cause at first glance. My initial conclusion was that my dishonesty had its origin in the reaction of others. They controlled my ability to be honest. They set me up to lie. They put me in a no-win situation - tell a lie and fall into sin or tell the truth and damage a relationship.

Being a Christian, naturally my first stop was the Scriptures. And Rahab, the harlot. After all, she helped Joshua's spies and saved the lives of her family and herself (see Joshua 2:1-24 and Joshua 6:17-25). She is counted as one of the faithful in Hebrews and is used as an example in James. She is also in the lineage of Jesus. And she was used by God! She lied to protect these men. Wouldn't it, therefore, stand to reason that telling a lie to protect someone's feelings is acceptable? Ahhhhh!, sweet justification!

One problem. Not only had I been looking for justification, I had fallen into the trap of a "works"-based theology. As long as I appeared honest before men (and, for the most part, I figured I was more honest than a lot of others I could name!), it would be added to my heavenly account.

Okay, another problem. Other Scriptures are very clear that lying is an abomination to God, half-truths are dishonest, it is a device of the wicked and it will be uncovered by God. As painful as it was, I realized being honest with God was my first priority. Any hope of skirting around the other things God says about lying flew out the window.

A lie, by the very definition of the word, means to intentionally give the wrong impression or purposefully deceive. The truth, on the other hand, is defined by not only fact but sincerity and integrity.

Now, I'm not stupid. I am fully aware of the fact that if I try to lie to God, I am only deceiving myself and my fellowship with Him suffers. He knows where I try to hide all the dirty little secrets of my heart. Sometimes I pretend they really don't exist but any time I place myself before God, naked, they come out! I came to a place where I had to stand, vulnerable, before God and agree with Him as each black area was exposed.

Taking an honest appraisal of my heart from God is one thing but do I really want honesty from people? Sure, most of the time. But there are exceptions. Like when I ask my husband if I look fat in a particular dress. What if he is honest and says, "I don't think it's the dress, honey."? OUCH! The lesson I've learned from that one is not to ask questions I really don't want the answer to.

Still looking for a loophole, I asked myself, Can I be honest before God and dishonest before men? I mean, there are some situations where being honest might make someone angry with me or hurt their feelings. After all, what am I going to say to that precious sister with the most horrific new hairstyle ever when she asks me if I like it? What do I say to the woman with heathen children who asks, "How did they behave in Sunday School today?"

Those Scriptures about lying came back to me with tremendous clarity so I decided I couldn't let anyone or any situation prevent me from being completely honest. The only option was to ignore any fallout, i.e., the hurt feelings of others, and be honest. Brutally honest, if necessary. After all, if I am honest, there is no fault with me. Right?

Boy, was I mistaken! Since when is anything that is "brutal" okay? We are told to "speak the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). Did you catch that? We are to speak the truth! That does not mean we get to puke our opinions all over unsuspecting folks! There is such a thing as discretion. We are not compelled to throw self-restraint and compassion to the wind. My darling husband has learned, over many years and many tears, that it is not always his opinion I am asking for. "Do you like my new haircut?" I still ask. He tells me, "If you're happy with it, I am, too." Thank God for a man who looks beyond his own personal preferences to encourage me instead of ripping me to shreds.

I know what you're thinking. The Gospel of Jesus isn't always pleasant and is oftentimes "brutal" and is known to be as sharp as a two-edged sword. But it is the truth and it is a truth we cannot water down, attempt to make more palatable or ignore. But it can still be given with love. In fact, it shouldn't be given with anything less!

We are so arrogant. We think of our own opinions as Gospel truth. We think we can be "honest" (read hurtful!) to others without repercussions. We think what we have to say is so important, it must be said "come what may".

Do you want honesty? Get honest with God first. Be honest about yourself with others -- no pretense, no deception, no lying! Then, don't shy away from telling others the truth -- just make sure it is His truth and not your own!

Shoulda Known Better

I had such high hopes for starting the year on a positive note and staying there. It lasted about three weeks. Then, once again, I allowed myself to become overwhelmed with my circumstances. I know these things and yet I keep falling into the same trap. Having spent the better part of the last month in a state of what I can only call depression (not wanting to get up in the morning, no energy for anything, close to tears or just not feeling anything at all), I finally shared with my husband the difficulty I was having. I already knew his answer -- "Just do the things you need to do!" -- which, I must admit, wasn't the answer I wanted. What else could I do? I gave his suggestion a try. I actually planned out a week's menu and sat down once again to begin writing. I'm sorry to have to admit it, but it worked! I have been feeling a little less "under" a tremendous weight. It hasn't gone away completely but it is lifting. Thanks to having to prepare and teach a weekly women's study, I have had to knuckle down again and get into God's word. I'm sure that has been the true reason for the relief I have been enjoying. It is a difficult study, dealing with things like humility and honesty and repentance (so far!) but once again I am daily being reminded that God is the God of all comfort and He will not allow us to be burdened beyond the capacity of our shoulders to carry whatever the weight. Yup! I shoulda known better. Why is it that we forsake first the one thing that brings us life? It is, without a doubt, our relationship with Jesus and time in His word. I haven't reached the mountaintop yet but I am finally noticing the growth in the valley.